A Night in Seoul

It was January 1998 in Seoul. Aunt Constance and I had arrived not long ago from Tokyo, and had spent the day at a blind school learning new technologies that Korea had adopted to help educate the blind. I sat in amazement as I watched Aunt Constance try to learn some conversational Korean to charm her hosts.

We were brought to some tourist attractions which I can't really recall now, but it was close to evening when we finally had some free time to do our own things. Under the recommendation of a close friend, we took a cab and arrived at Nande-mun, one of the busiest shopping districts in Seoul.

We walked along the markets, marveling at the amount of imitation goods on sale. I had never seen that many branded goods at such ridiculous prices. Not that I would go brand shopping in the first place. On the contrary, I usually avoid them, and still mainly do.

I described the area to Aunt Constance as we moved from shop to shop, her constantly calculating in her mind what the conversion rate would come to. We eventually started counting the number of Prada bags that we could get for everyone - aunts, cousins, family members. We were so busy laughing and having so much fun, shopping for others that we soon realised that we had to get another piece of luggage just to bring all these gifts home. That was one of the first times when I truly realised the joys of giving.

It was near meal time, and we were starving. It looked like we were constantly presented with only two options - soup or BBQ. Not particularly in the mood for either, I quickly swept my eyes across the horizon and saw a Burger King. That would have to do. We strolled through the crowded pathway in the cold towards the crossing.

She was sitting, crouched under a heated blanket. Her face was crinkly but kind, and no one was around her stall. She was selling silk scarves, hardly the right product for the wintry conditions that we were subjected to. I stopped and looked. Aunt Constance, holding onto my hand, asked me what's wrong. I mentioned the elderly woman.

"She reminds me of Po Po",  I said, the memory of Po Po still fresh in both our minds, since it had been less than four months after her death. We both stood in silence for a little while till Aunt Constance said "What is she doing?". "Selling silk scarves", I replied. "What kind?" she said. "Branded - like Hermes, Louis Vuitton etc", I said. "How much are they?" she asked.

I brought her forward. The elderly woman turned her face upwards to meet my glance, not speaking. I saw the price on the cardboard that someone had scrawled. I can't remember how much it was, but it was rather cheap. We bought three scarves, paid and continued towards our destination. I looked back at the elderly woman, silent and still as she was when we first approached, feeling that same strange sense of loss.


I sat Aunt Constance down at a table in Burger King and approached the counter to order. When I returned, she was deep in thought. She asked me again what kind of scarves they were. I described them as best as I could. She carried on in silence and then said, "I think we can go back and buy more from her. I have my landlady, my mother-in-law, my friends that I could give these scarves to." I nearly cried tears of joy as I said "I can give them to my aunt and her mother-in-law as well when I go to Australia next month". We smiled and tucked into our meals merrily.


I believe the elderly woman was surprised when we returned, probably afraid that we would ask for a refund. I started choosing the scarves again and we counted and recounted the number of people we could buy for. We bought another ten in total, and we received the biggest reward - her toothless grin. A wide smile that broke my heart at that moment because it brought back memories of Po Po in the fullest. I shared that with Aunt Constance and we both wished her goodbye.


Exhausted by that experience, we decided to take a cab home. On the way back in the cab, Aunt Constance asked me to describe the woman again and I did. We shared another moment of silence, me with quiet tears. Aunt Constance said that one of her biggest regrets was when she travelled with Po Po to HK and it was on their last day. Since they had forgotten to reserve extra money for airport taxes, they were left with nothing after paying that. She said they passed by a confectionery, and Po Po remarked at how delicious the cakes looked, but they couldn't get any because they had no more money left.


She then told me another story about how she learned about the joys of giving from Po Po. She was about five years old then, before she lost her sight, and Po Po used to bring her to the Tek Kah Market every day.


This particular day, they walked passed a disabled (handicap) man with his young daughter, begging on the side of the street. Forever the kind soul, Po Po immediately walked over and spoke to them. She gave him $5 out of the $7 marketing money she had for the day, hailed a trishaw, and paid another 50 cents for their journey home. She bade them farewell and then turned to Aunt Constance and said, "Always have pity on others more in need than us. Always lend a hand to them whenever we can."


With only $1.50 left, she couldn't buy much. So, when Gong Gong asked why there was no meat in the meals, Po Po only said that meat was expensive, so she bought lots of vegetables. Aunt Constance said that she never mentioned her good deed once.

Aunty Alice shares ...

My dear James, Pam & Woan Min,

Thank you for a job well done. As your aunt, I am proud of all of you for being filial and respectful, grateful, showing so much gratitude and love for your grandparents.

I appreciate all that you have accomplished so far, trying to remember Gong Gong and Po Po in your own unique way, gathering all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle to honour both of them. Indeed, it is a massive project.

I read the stories and I realised that being in the third generation, you simply remembered what your parents have told you, as you did not have the first hand experience as your mothers and I had. As such, some details are incorrect or missing.

Popo was born in Jesselton, North Borneo, now known as Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. Her biological mother was a Dusun, one of the native tribes of Borneo. That makes Popo half a Dusun, all her children a quarter Dusun and all of you one-eighth Dusun. I had seen Popo's ID and verified the information. I did talk about it to my siblings because I don't think they know about it.

Imchim is a Kadazan, another tribe of Borneo. There are a number of tribes in Borneo, as in Taiwan and China. Dusun and Kadazan are two of the major tribes at that time (please see Wikipaedia entry below). It is a pity that we have not been to Sabah. We shall go there together one day. I think only 2nd Aunty (Z E) had been there.

I only remember it whenever I am mistaken for being a Malay. The first question a taxi-driver often asks me when I get into the car is "Pergi mana?" I have gotten used to it as time went by, and do not get angry, just annoyed. Another occasion was when I was eating Malay food at the KK market. I ordered a glass of sugar cane juice from a passing drink seller. He was surprised and commented that he did not approach me because he thought that I was a Malay. Haha.

Regarding Popo's photo, the one of her standing near a wardrobe, that was probably taken during 1958 or 1959 in Winstedt Drive. I just wonder who was the photographer?

Our addresses from when I was born:

- I lived in 217 Kallang Road from 1947 to 1955 when I was in Pr. 1.
- I started Pr. 2 living in a big Kampong house at 50-C Lavender Street from 1956-1958. We rented one of the rooms.

A male classmate was living in a room on our right. I was surprised to see him when we shifted to this big house, which had a big courtyard in front and a long corridor behind. There was a cherry tree outside the house and there was a bench under the tree, I often sat there to read my story books. I always stayed at the corridor to study. A conducive place to study.

We shifted to 40-F Windstedt Drive in 1958 till the 80s, and then to Block 159 Ang Mo Kio Avenue 4.

Maybe we can gather in my house one day and tell our stories to one another. For Easter or After Sunday? Pam and Woan Min, please organise and revert to me. See you soon.

God bless all of us.

NA E/ 4 E/ Mum

-----------------------------

New: The gathering is currently scheduled for the 11th April. Please contact Pam if you wish to attend. I am so envious and jealous that I am not going to be there, but I will be there in spirit.

I seriously think this will begin a movement for us to visit Sabah. I remembered that there was talk to visit Sabah right after Po Po's death, but I don't know why it did not come to fruition. I think these stories will prepare us for this trip.

Can I just add that this is a important first step for us and we are so thankful and moved by the letter. Not so much the effort to put this together, because it was a labour of love and I gained so much from this, but more so that we are getting closer to the truth and bonding closer together as a family unit.

I hope that this will inspire more people to share their stories. Lastly, I believe everyone will be curious about one thing: What is Dusun? Here are two links that will explain more:

Wikipaedia

Orientation

外婆的传记 - 家史页 -

 你们认为我们当中谁长得最象外婆年轻时？

我们的外婆，亲称婆婆，黄金英，生于阳历一九二一年六月十六日，农历五月十一日，肖鸡。她的家乡是婆罗洲岛(现:哥打京那巴鲁)的东马来西亚，沙巴。

婆婆的父亲，外曾祖父，来自一个富裕的家庭，娶四妻一妾。外曾祖父原来自中国，当年南下到沙巴落地生根闯天下。他的母亲，外玄祖母却留在中国。

 

婆婆的母亲，大外曾祖母，是元配夫人，生两女一男。大外曾祖母在婆婆仅九岁时与世长辞。婆婆是大女儿，大曾舅父是老二，二曾姨妈最小。大曾舅父前几年在沙巴逝世，享年八十有几。二曾姨妈是个糖尿病痪者，在七十年代不幸逝世。

外婆的亲生母亲

当年外曾祖父曾留大外曾祖母在沙巴，只身回中国深造。外玄祖母为了挽留外曾祖父，强逼外曾祖父在中国娶二房。二外曾祖母膝下无儿，逝世于中国。

八岁的外婆与三外曾祖母和曾外公。想不到外婆不久后便丧失亲生母亲。

外曾祖父在沙巴续弦，三外曾祖母替他生了一女六子。三外曾祖母过逝时，一群子女还小，外曾祖父唯有再续弦娶三外曾祖母的大姐，大曾姨妈为妻。她也顺理成章地当起四外曾祖母。四外曾祖母一手带大一群孩子，自己却没生育任何子女。

外曾祖父与四外曾祖母

外曾祖父的妾，英金，现仍住在沙巴。她是位马来妇女，曾经是外曾祖父家的洗衣女佣。


当外曾祖父及四外曾祖母还健在时，四外曾祖母强迫外曾祖父把家产全权留给三外曾祖母所生的七名子女，没分半文给婆婆、大曾舅父及二曾姨妈。

外婆少女时代与三名身份不详的妇女 (据知:右一与右二是四与三外曾祖母。不知是否有人能确定?)

大曾舅父象爸爸一样白手起家，在沙巴和新加坡都有资产。不但在沙巴开了旅馆、旅行社及货币兑换商店，在京那巴魯山也有有度假村，也在新加坡有不少私家房产。 

外曾祖父曾建议买一栋房子让婆婆和三曾姨妈同住。但婆婆没有贪婪之心，也不愿与三妹妹同住一屋檐下，所以婉言拒绝爸爸的好意。

婆婆的家人及弟妹们常年都会从沙巴寄物件给她。但婆婆不自私也不贪图，总是把东西留给三妹妹。婆婆弟妹们的亲属至今聚居在沙巴, 澳洲与新加坡，不知何时能相遇。可能这只是我的妄想，但我相信婆婆可能会赞同我这样的想法。令我惊讶的是我们的亲戚虽然和我们有血原关系，但我们很多都从未见过他们。有可能我们正于其中一些远房亲戚在工作上合作，这也说不定。 

不知这是何时何地拍的？你晓得吗？

这只是婆婆人身的第一页。家史即精彩又复杂，虽然还差许多细节，但足于编辑成一本书或一部戏，不知是否有人能填补。细读公公与婆婆的人生经历，深深感受到他们年幼丧亲的痛苦，双双不仅十岁就得体会生离死别的悲痛，让我为自己能成长于一个幸福的家庭而深感庆幸。


以如今的情况来比喻，自小丧亲的人，多数长大后在思想上都会有些缺陷，但公公与婆婆却能在悲哀中脱颖而出，成为如此关怀、宽容及博爱之人。婆婆是否因失去母亲而得挺身照顾年幼弟妹，因此培养了母爱的直觉？婆婆常说：“无论我们生活多贫苦，也要帮助那些更需要帮忙的人，处处为人着想，奉献无限的关怀与爱心。”


我们亲爱的婆婆，在大家对您无限的赞美中，我今天为您再奉上一句“坚强”。

Grandma Tales Part 1 - Origin -

Our grandma in her youth - who resembles her most?

Our grandma, also known to us lovingly as Po Po, Ng Kim Eng, was born on 16 June 1921 in Jesselton, North Borneo, now known as Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, in East Malaysia.

Lau Gong (Po Po's father - our great grandfather) who was born to a rich family, married four women and owned a mistress in his life. Lau Gong’s mother, Great Great Grandmother remained in China when Great Grandfather (Lau Gong) departed to Sabah to start his family and business.

Po Po's mother (our great-grandmother) was the first wife and gave birth to two daughters and one son. She died when Po Po was only 9 years old. Po Po was the eldest daughter, 1st Lau Ku (Po Po’s younger brother) was second, and 2nd Lau Yee (Po Po Po’s younger sister) the youngest. 1st Lau Ku (Grand Uncle) passed away in Sabah in his 80's, just a couple of years back, while 2nd Lau Yee (2nd Grand Aunt) was diabetic and died in the 70's.

Po Po's mother (our great-grandmother)

When Lau Gong returned to China to study alone, Great Great Grandmother forced Lau Gong to marry another woman, who became our 2nd Great Grandmother (2nd Lau Ma), in a ploy to keep him in China. Unfortunately, or fortunately for us, her ploy failed and our Great-grandfather returned to Sabah. 2nd Lau Ma died childless in China.

Po Po together with her step-mother (3rd great-grandma) and father. Po Po is 8 years old in this photo. Her natural mother died in the next year.

Lau Gong returned to Sabah and remarried, acquiring his 3rd wife. 3rd Lau Ma gave birth to one daughter and six sons. 3rd Lau Ma also died when her children were young. 3rd Lau Ma’s elder sister, Dua Lau Yee wanted to take care of her younger sister’s children, so Lau Gong had no choice but to marry her, so that he could remain with his children. As a result, Dua Lau Yee became 4th Lau Ma but never gave birth to any children, dedicating her life to her sister's children.

Great grandfather with his fourth wife (4th Lau Ma or great-grandma)

Finally, Lau Gong’s had a mistress, Imchim, who is still currently alive in Sabah. She is Malay and was originally Lau Gong’s laundry maid. She was Lau Gong's (great-grandfather's) final love.

While Lau Gong was still alive, 4th Lau Ma also forced Lau Gong to will all his assets to her sister's seven children before she died, leaving his first wife's children, Po Po, 1st Lau Ku (granduncle) and 2nd Lau Yee (grandaunt), with nothing.

Teenage Po Po with three other women (believed to be from L-R: unknown, 4th Lau Ma, 3rd Lau Ma). Dua Yi is not entirely certain but knows that one of them is definitely 4th Lau Ma).

1st Lau Ku was a grand businessman like his dad, and struck his own riches. He owned many properties in Sabah and Singapore. They include a resort in Mount Kinabalu, a hotel, a travel agency and money changer in Sabah, and private apartments in Singapore.

Lau Gong had originally planned to buy a house for Po Po and 3rd Lau Yee (3rd great-grandma's only daughter) who were both living in Singapore, to live in together. As Po Po was agreeable with the, she declined his kind offer.

Throughout the years, Po Po’s family and siblings sent many gifts to her but since Po Po was always so thoughtful, she shared them with 3rd Lau Yee (grand-aunt). The next generations of Po Po’s siblings’ (our granduncles and aunts) currently span all over Australia, Sabah and Singapore. Personally, I think it is rather amazing to know that our relatives are so close in proximity but many of us have never met them? For all we know, we may be working with one of our distant cousins.

Does anyone know when and where this photo was taken?

This is the first segment of Po Po's life-story. Her own family history is so complicated and colourful that we believe that it deserves a post of its own, or even a movie if we can find out more (Hollywood, are you reading this?). There is still so much history yet to be uncovered in this, but I do not know if there is anyone else still around to provide us with more details.

My mind travels when I read these stories and wonder how both Gong Gong and Po Po felt at the time, losing a parent so early in their lives. To have to deal with grief at such a young age, I feel so blessed that I had both my parents love as a child, as do most of you.

By today's standard's, they should have turned out lost and dysfunctional, but they grew into incredibly loving, caring and giving human beings. Is fatality a much greater norm then that people just learned to deal with family deaths, or are they just much stronger then?

Did Po Po have to step up as a mother to her own younger brother and sister when her own mother died, which is why she developed such a caring and motherly nature. Is that why she always said that we need to help someone else in greater need than us, no matter how poor we are?

As I read and listen to many other stories that everyone tells me about Po Po, I start to realise that there are many things we give her credit for, most of all being a generous, loving, giving and caring person.

Today, I acknowledge a new attribute “Strength”.

外公的前半生涯

照片:外公年轻时  

我们的外公,也是我们常称的公公，李炳城。他生于阳历一九一三年十二月十七日，农历十一月二日，肖牛。出生于马来西亚彭亨州的首府，也是西马东海岸最大的城市，关丹。 

公公出世于一个家境富裕的家庭，家中拥有多英亩的橡胶园。虽然公公是家中老幼，但唯有公公能安享晚年。公公的哥哥姐姐们都难逃命运的悲剧，大多都因猩红热和种种传染病而英年早逝。剩余的马来西亚亲戚及朋友如今也不知去向。

照片:我们的曾祖父

我们的曾祖父不幸在公公三岁时去世，家产与生意全交由公公的舅舅继承保管。但是曾舅舅不是个理财的生意人，不久便清家荡产，把曾祖父的家产挥霍一空。

曾祖母与公公因此移居新加坡，在加笼路，火城附近印度庙对面买了一家店铺。他们住楼下店铺，把楼上的房间以一人五块钱的租金出租给人。公公也在那里开始经营脚车维修店，组织小家庭。

1976年地图 (1是火城；橙色地区大概是店铺位置):

Credit : Singapore Street Directory 1976 edition, Chief Surveyor

火城与印度庙在照片中间：

Photo Credit : National Archives, PICAS

 Photo Credit : National Archives, PICAS

 火城：

2007：

在日军侵占时期，公公被日军逮捕，被推上卡车载到樟宜处死。到达目的地时，他们被命令自挖坟地，等待枪决。眼看难逃一死，公公趁日军不留神时，与两位同伴遇贵人相助跳围墙逃生。

 

照片：外公与朋友

侥幸逃生后，回到店铺时，才发现所有脚车已被人抢劫一空。幸好一家大小平安无事。他们也继续待在那里过了几年。后来公公决定全家移居回马来西亚，以三千元把店铺顶让给别人。但不知何故改变了主意，又在加笼路租了另一间房子定居新加坡。

家庭成员越来越多，负担也越来越重，公公一人身兼至少两份工作来维持家计。他当过三轮车夫，卖过报纸及婆婆做的纸玫瑰，甚至也在兵营做过工。 为了填补家用，婆婆边做纸花边照顾孩子，大姨在家帮人车衣，二姨与三姨也得放弃学业出外工作，好让其余弟妹们能有口饭吃，继续学业。生活虽平穷艰苦，但大家都相亲相爱，过得非常充实。组造了现今一个和睦相处，相亲相爱的大家庭。一家人在加笼路住至1957年，直到小姨出世后才搬迁于纽顿路。

 照片：外公与外婆

话说到此，特别感谢大姨，三姨，小姨与婉明为我们提供了这些公公的人生经历。公公前半生的故事虽短，但希望能激发大家积极参与，多问你们的父母，多揭开公公在这段日子的故事，让我们能多了解我们的公公婆婆，舅舅与阿姨们。

另加 ：曾祖母的骨灰瓮现安置于万礼骨灰塔。每年清明节，大姨及婉明拜祭祖先时，也会去拜祭曾祖母。

Our Grandpa - The Early and Middle Years -

Lee Peng Siah, our grandpa, or Gong Gong (公公) as he is affectionately known to all of us, was born on 17th December 1913 in Kuantan, within Pahang, the largest state of  Malaysia. He was born in the year of the Ox. Youngest in a rich family with acres of rubber plantations, he had a few siblings but most of them unfortunately died of scarlet fever and other infectious diseases during their childhood or teenage years. It is strongly believed that Gong Gong is the only one that lived up to a ripe old age. The whereabouts of most of his other relatives are unknown in Malaysia.  

Great-Grandfather (Gong Gong's father)

Our great grandfather (Gong Gong’s father) died when he was 3 years old. Great Grand Uncle (Gong Gong’s maternal uncle) took over the family business. Unfortunately, he was not a good businessman, lost the business and spent all the money.  

Great Grandma (Lau Ma) (Gong Gong's mother) & Gong Gong migrated to Singapore where they bought a shop house on Kallang Road, near the old 火城  and current Pico Art Building, opposite the Hindu temple. They rented out the rooms upstairs, charging $5 per person and lived in the shop on the ground floor. That is also where Gong Gong eventually ran his bicycle repair shop. 

Old 火城 is marked 1 in the map and the orange spot is approximately where the shop was:

Credit : Singapore Street Directory 1976 edition, Chief Surveyor

This is probably what the street looked like then with the Hindu Temple and the 火城 at the middle bottom:

 

Photo Credit : National Archives, PICAS

 

Photo Credit : National Archives, PICAS

What the 火城 looked like:

 

Photo Credit: Blog - Times of My Life

What the plot of land looked like around 2007:

 

Photo credit : Wikipedia

During the Japanese Occupation, Gong Gong was caught and placed on a lorry to be executed in Changi. They were ordered to dig trenches which would end up being their own graves. With a stroke of luck while the Japanese soldiers were distracted, Gong Gong and two other men jumped over a nearby fence with the help of someone and escaped in the face of death. It was a close shave.  


Gong Gong with friend

He returned to find the bicycle shop looted but thankfully, the family was safe. They continued to stay there as the family expanded. After a couple of years, Gong Gong made a decision to migrate back to Malaysia.  He sold the shop house for about $3000 but suddenly changed his mind for an unknown reason.  Hence, they rented another place on Kallang Road. 

After he sold the bicycle shop, he had to take on at least 2 jobs in order to provide food and lodging for the family. During that time, he worked as a trishaw man, newspaper and paper roses seller and even worked in the army. Life was getting tougher and tougher with an increasing family. 

There was barely enough to eat most of the time. To help out with the family finances, Po Po  (Grandma) started making paper flowers while looking after the kids, Dua yi (Eldest aunt) sewed clothes at home and Z yi (Second aunt) went out to work. Eventually, Sa yi (Third auntie and my mum) had to give up her studies at the age of 14 to work, so that the rest of the family could survive and continue their studies. Though life was tough and food was scarce, their life was happy, and this poor lifestyle helped cultivate the loving and giving attributes that we see in this family.

They continued to live in Kallang until Aunt Constance was born and in 1957, they moved to Newton where their youngest child, our Uncle David was born. 

Gong Gong and Po Po (婆婆)

This is currently all we have about Gong Gong's life-story and it only constitutes the first half of his life. I hope that you had enjoyed this story and it has inspired me to seek more because I realise how important it is that we try to get as much of our family history and share. Let this be the beginning of a beautiful connection for us all, and let us bond through this medium and get to know each other, and ourselves better.

I would like to specially thank Dua Yi, Aunt Constance, Woan Min and my Mum for sharing these facts and stories with us today. There is much more to learn and discover and it is up to you to find out and share it with us.

P.S. Lau Ma, Great-Grandma's urn is placed in Mandai Columbarium.  Every year, Dua Yi (Eldest Aunt), who was Lau Ma's favourite grand-daughter, and Woan Min would visit the columbarium as Lau Ma's urn was placed near to their other relative's final resting place.

Please take this every 3 hourly!

Instalment 3 of 4...

There’s a memory I have… not exactly about food, but about medicine. You know how medication instructions normally go – Please take 3 hourly. Or 4 hourly. Usually when we see this, we just take them 3 times a day after meals, right? Think now they write "Three times a day" - perhaps they changed the way it is being worded, but I recall clearly stated to be taken 3 hourly or something like that.

Coz, Gong Gong and Po Po took it literally! They would make me take my medicine every 3 hourly, on the dot, just as was instructed. So much so that they would wake up in the middle of the night (think 3 am) and wake me up, in order to give me my medicine.

I remember this clearly coz I have this mental image of being waken up in the middle of the night. We'd be sleeping in the living room, on the floor, on those chao chiok (straw mats). Then an alarm clock will go off, and Gong Gong and Po Po would wake, switch on the light, and Po Po would wake me while Gong Gong gets the medicine. They'd feed me the medication, and Gong Gong would reset the alarm clock for another 3 hours, before they switch off the lights, and we all go back to sleep.

Looking back, it was kinda hilarious how they took the instructions literally, but I always thought how this showed that they really loved and cared for me. To sacrifice their sleep and wake up in the middle of the night just to make me take my medication, instead of taking the easy way out and just feeding to me when I wake up.